christo (chrriiiss) wrote,

if you're comfortable, you're doing something wrong

Thinking back on the past few weeks I can't really remember doing much. That's probably because I haven't been doing much. 8 months into this China adventure and things seem a lot less adventurous. I've settled in. Settling is dangerous.

I decided to start picking up more work ie I'm teaching more. On one hand learning to teach is kind of fulfilling, but since I'm not really trying to develop my teaching skills and 99% of my students really have no motivation to learn. Staring at kids sleeping on desks and playing with iphones gets old fast. But it pays the bills. Not being poor is satisfying, but only to a certain extent. I don't see much potential for growth doing this.

I'm not in school. I'm not really traveling. I'm not meeting new people. I'm not developing. I'm not really having fun. I'm not challenging myself. I'm aging.

That's what having money, a steady girlfriend, and a job(s) will do. It's funny that I, like many others, gravitate towards this kind of lifestyle. This is what we want right? This is what I don't want, which is why I ran away in the first place. Yet here I am again. Way to go. Fuck

Anyways, I'm trial testing out a little business venture, which at the very least will give me some extra spending money. I've barely touched any poker material in months. I still have a goal to make a run at Macau so I need to keep this goal in mind. On top of that, I'm probably the strongest in my life physically due to the first regular gym regimen in my life ever. Getting training from an ex-body builder also helps.

Get it together.

Spoke to an old best friend a few days ago which was therapeutic. It's hard to a real long conversation with anyone nowadays. It also felt good to know that our old ties weren't completely broken. But that may have only been a one time thing. She fades in and out.

If all my friends get married, there remains little incentive for me to go home. Is that wrong? I really am a manchild.

btw, 3 years and the girl is still on my mind. it's a terrible curse.
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